PTSD

Learning Normal

S and I gave normal a try today. Dinner at a sidewalk café, a walk in
the park, people watching, and then coffee. It was weird. I don’t
think I’m cut out for normal.

The whole time I felt like I ought to be somewhere else, getting
something done. I didn’t know what, exactly. Just something.
Anything, really, as long as it didn’t involve sitting in the sun and
relaxing.

By the end of the afternoon, I was so tired of waiting for the other
shoe to drop that I fell asleep on the train. I woke up to one of S’s
friends introducing himself to me. Even though we’ve met several
times, and I’ve been to his house, he didn’t recognize me with the new
hair color and the sunglasses. Let’s face it, I usually stand out in a
crowd, so I find it hard to believe that he didn’t really see me the
previous three times we’ve been introduced.

I’d like to know who else he expected to be asleep on my husband’s
shoulder.

There must be people out there who are comfortable being relaxed. How
do they do it? Are there rules for normal?

You knew this was going somewhere.

(One problem with being easily distracted is that every time you sit
down to write, you wander off to read instead. In this case, the
trigger was the phrase “rules for normal.” These are from a story by
AMW.)

“1. 'Normal' is an illusory concept. The illusion is assembled from
many pieces. To blend in you must take pleasure from the pieces, even
if the whole makes no sense to you at all. Leave that for someone else
to worry about.

2. Normal is achieved by degrees. Don't try too hard, or people will
get suspicious. Start with the basics, fill in the rest as you go
along. The basics are simple, look for the pattern and imitate it.

3. There is an old adage that goes something like: 'Normal is getting
dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a
car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you
need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave
empty all day in order to afford to live in it.' Normal people have a
vocation of some kind. This rarely involves shooting bad guys. Work out
what you want to be when you grow-up.

4. Normal requires a certain amount of spontaneity. Don't be afraid to
go with your emotions or instinct. Sometimes you just have to throw
caution to the wind.

5. Life's unpredictable, sometimes good, sometimes bad. There are no
certainties, no matter how much preparation you do. Just act normal,
things usually turn out for the best.”

So now I have instructions. Wonder if they’ll help?

posted by Elizabeth @ 10:20 PM