More SOTU fun
Everybody's blogging about Cynthia Sheehan getting thrown out of the gallery. But why aren't we all talking about the pirate SOTU?
T' overcome dangers in our world, we must also take th' offensive by encouragin' economic progress, fightin' disease, an' spreadin' hope in hopeless lands. Isolationism wouldna only tie our hands in fightin' enemies, 't would keep us from helpin' our shipmates in desperate need. We show compassion abroad on accoun' o' Americans believe in th' God-gi'en dignity an' worth o' a villager wi' HIV/AIDS, or an infant wi' malaria, or a refugee fleein' genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery. We also show compassion abroad on accoun' o' regions overwhelmed by poverty, corruption, an' despair be sources o' terrorism, organized crime, crewmate traffickin', an' th' drug trade.
In recent voyages, ye an' I be havin' taken unprecedented action t' swashbuckle AIDS an' malaria, expand th' education o' lasses, an' reward developin' nations that be movin' fore wi' economic an' political reform. Fer swabbies everywhere, th' United States be a partner fer a better life. Short-changin' these efforts would increase th' sufferin' an' chaos o' our world, undercut our long-term security, an' dull th' conscience o' our country. I urge Members o' Congress t' serve th' interests o' America by showin' th' compassion o' America.
Our country must also remain on th' offensive against terrorism here at homeport. Th' enemy has nay lost th' desire or capability t' attack us. Fortunately, this Nation has superb professionals in law enforcement, intelligence, th' military, an' homeland security. These men an' lasses be dedicatin' the'r lives t' protectin' us all, an' they deserve our support an' our thanks. They also deserve th' same tools they already use t' swashbuckle drug traffickin' an' organized crime, so I ask ye t' reauthorize th' Patriot Act.
'tis spake that prior t' th' attacks o' September 11th, our government failed t' connect th' dots o' th' conspiracy. We now know that two o' th' hijackers in th' United States placed telephone calls t' al-Qaida operatives overseas. But we did nay know about the'r plans until 't be too late. So t' prevent another attack based on captainliness gi'en t' me by th' Constitution an' by statute I be havin' authorized a terrorist surveillance program t' aggressively pursue th' international communications o' suspected al-Qaida operatives an' affiliates t' an' from America. Previous presidents be havin' used th' same constitutional captainliness I be havin' an' Federal courts be havin' approved th' use o' that captainliness. Appropriate Members o' Congress ben kept informed. This terrorist surveillance program has helped prevent terrorist attacks. 't remains essential t' th' security o' America. If thar be swabbies inside our country who be talkin' wi' al-Qaida, we want t' know about 't on accoun' o' we will nay sit aft an' wait t' be hit again.
Somehow it's less depressing this way.
Via The Green Knight, who also offers such soon-to-be-classics as the SOTU by the Swedish Chef, Elmer Fudd, and a Hacker.
posted by Elizabeth @ 3:52 PM
5 Comments:
"Require" is such a strong word....
I "encourage" blog participation as an alternative venue for getting class participation points for those have something to say but might not want to say it in class.....
so, yeah, it bumps up my traffic each and every spring, and sometimes I get a few extra readers that way.
In hopes of increasing PTSD readership, I am adding some totally gratuitous lines from MP:
General: ...but when one considers the meaning of life, it is a struggle between alternative viewpoints of life itself. And without the ability to defend one's own viewpoint against other, perhaps more aggresive ideologies, then reasonableness and moderation could quite simply disappear. That is why we'll always need an Army, and may God strike me down were it to be otherwise.
(Gets struck down by HoG)
Sergeant-Major: Don't stand there gawping! Like you've never seen the hand o' God before!
Ah, so it's one of those "strongly recommended" deals. Nice work.
Can I just say that I totally cracked up reading the new song in the comments to Hobbes? As in, "why is that crazy girl snorting and wiping tears from her eyes" laughing. It really shouldn't be that funny, right?
Also, I note that someone has apparently accepted our idiosyncratic label. Very cool.
Hilarity, absolute hilarity :). Btw, Elizabeth, I picked up crocheting. It rocks.
Always glad to hear that the crafty influence is spreading! Maybe we should all have some sort of "I can do something other than talk about IR" meeting in March? :)
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