If a hungry cannibal cracked my brain open,...

...there wouldn't be enough there to cover a small water-biscuit.*

It occurs to me that, as a supposedly academic blogger, both E and I should have something to contribute upon the ongoing elections. So, here you have it. My contribution to the 2006 elections:

Baldy: I have a cunning plan, my Lord. I shall say slag off the troops currently fighting overseas and will not mention the phrase “our brave men and women in uniform”.

Edward: Good plan, Baldy. That should help us win back…wait. Wait..what did you say? Baldy?

(and...in another part of the marvellous country, a country where heads of state played tiddlywinks with their favourite advisors and called their senior advisors “Guru” and “Boy Genius”)

King: What about this man down there? Does he know what he’s doing? Can we say he was just playing around with his mate?

Edwin: I think we should phrase it this way, my Lord: Without fornication, there is no marriage; and without marriage, there is no diplomacy and, as we all know, we are now fighting a war on terror. We need diplomacy for that. Our man down there was just helping the cause because, if you don’t vote for us, you are casting a vote for the terrorists.

Also, there a numerous doe-eyed females in his congregation. He was doing his duty to not disappoint them by claiming to fancy the company of men.

King: Oh, but so do I. Note whom I have around me—men and women who appear to be as men.

Edwin: No, no, my Lord. I mean, the…you know intimate company of men.

King: You don’t mean…like the Rev?

Edwin: Yes, my Lord. Actually, that’s where I came in on this conversation.

King: Good job, Edwin. Now, the second item on our list. How do we win this global war on terror?

Edwin: Well, my Lord, I hear Rummy wants to move his WMD Cabinet closer to Pyongyang, as a diversion. Also, it’d be good to give some arms to those people since they obviously can’t hit their target and neither can he so maybe he can lead the charge?

King: We did get the BigEvilOne’s verdict in time. I can’t believe I had to spend nearly seven hours playing Xbox 360 for that timing to work.

And why are they still shooting at us, over in Persia? Just because we took a few shots at them first…I thought they would be happy to see us.

Edwin: I believe it’s called Iraq, now, my Lord.

King: Whatever.

(abruptly curtailed as I have to go perform to earn money for my keep)

* Yes, nicked off Blackadder. As is most of the rest of this post. Some liberties were taken--upon the alphabet, not upon any persons.


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