PTSD

Fat people shouldn't jump

At least, that was my argument today to my physical therapist. See, I'm meant to keep both feet firmly on the ground, to protect both myself (from, say, getting a searing pain in my leg and then falling over) and others (from, for instance, being in the way when I land.)

Riding a bicycle, sure. Standing on platform that drops out from beneath me and then drawing circles with my feet, okay. Standing on one foot and throwing a ball, well, that's not at all fun and requires rather a lot of windmilling of the arms and swearing. And the stupid machine that pushes my ankle back and forth willy nilly, well, that just sucks.

I have put up with them all in the interest of being able to walk down stairs without hearing a cracking sound and landing on my face. It seemed a small price to pay.

But nobody said anything about jumping. I'm not good at jumping. I never have been. I try to avoid, at all times, anything that even vaguely resembles jumping.

I failed skipping in first grade because I kept tripping on my own feet, and couldn't hop and count at the same time. I didn't even like hopscotch. Not only is there my usual total lack of coordination to be considered, but I'm also top heavy.

*I* wouldn't want to see me awkwardly jumping across a room, so I can't really fathom why he insists on this exercise. We didn't even get to the "jump on one foot, turn around, and then jump back on the same foot" bit of the process. Somebody must have taken pity on me. I doubt that it was the therapist.

And as if the jumping weren't enough, he finishes by asking me if I want to kick him yet. Of course I want to kick him. The problem is, I'd need to choose between kicking him with my left foot, which hurts like hell, or standing on my left foot and kicking with my right. Which usually results in my falling over. So it's not a very nice question at all.

Then again, he did say I could go curling, as long as I throw with my left.

posted by Elizabeth @ 3:29 PM