PTSD

The Academic Dinner Post

Elizabeth and I were discussing an upcoming dinner at the house of one of the professors at TUWSNBN. Here are some highlights from our conversation:


1. Do not sit on the most comfy mat on the floor. It is likely to be the dog’s bed.
If you have already sat on the dog’s bed and are now being warned off it, pretend that was your intention all along and move to the nearest chair. Make sure it does not belong to any animals first. Once can be passed off as an error. Twice really shows lack of social awareness of your surroundings.

2. If you do not remember to get to the place, ask for a lift. That way, you are saved from arriving by yourself and already have someone else to start a conversation when you arrive. You also have someone else to blame if you get there late. And, really, if you are arriving with other people, it is too late to back out at the last moment.

3. It is not fair if you have to do research for a dinner party. So, don’t. Change the subject quickly, as often as possible. Or hope famous-person-invited talks about UFOs. Everyone has something to say about UFOs.

4. If person hosting dinner says not to bring anything, then don’t. But then if everybody else has brought stuff, then say you will get something later on in the week. At OOD, though, bring something. Then, thank the person the next day (after offering profuse thanks after the dinner itself). A lot of gratitude goes around the place here.

5. Other people are pretty much unwelcome at academic dinners. Unless you are in Australia, where academic dinners usually occur in the form of barbeques. In which case, everyone and everything including the kitchen sink can be brought along. But, alcohol is usually preferred (and plenty of it).

6. Only eat foods that have a low mess factor. Things with sauce or complicated instructions can only lead to tears. The abovementioned barbeques are again an exception--everyone is messy at a barbeque, and it is enough to have brought some of those little wipes that you get from seafood restaurants to pass around. These will instantly make you the most popular person there.

7. Sitting quietly will keep you out of trouble. Sitting quietly while everyone else is protesting the study of UFOs will only get you noticed and lead to stuttering when you're later called out on it. Find the happy medium, and then stay there as long as possible.

8. You WILL say something stupid. Best to get it out of the way early, and move on. If you're in Australia (or law school) everyone will be too drunk by the end of the party to remember it anyway.

9. Do not, under any circumstances, threaten to take a member of the academic community out behind the woodshed for a thrashing. It doesn't matter what they did, or how much everyone has had to drink. This is a bad idea. Actually following through on the threat is worse, but not by much. It doesn't really matter if there's actually a woodshed or not.

10. No matter how great a discussion is (or, on the other extreme, how bad the event was) you cannot run off to be a research assistant somewhere else. Keep this in mind, and try not to do anything that would make you need to find it out firsthand.

That should about cover it.

posted by Priya @ 7:26 AM